The Change Cycle: Dissolving

Zeab, a 16-year-old wolf cared for by Mission Wolf. Photograph taken by Kris Tolman

It happens. My months of planning and dreaming for a beautiful life-changing retreat in Yellowstone came to a screeching halt. Two weeks ago, I was getting ready for a long road trip to Gardiner, MT to meet with my retreat partner, to finalize the details of our new business venture when his email arrived in my inbox. Life had happened to him. He was having to make some tough decisions and one of them was to step away from our partnership. To say I was disappointed is putting it mildly. I was downright sad. I had just entered phase one of the change cycle.

Change happens. There is no way to control that, but we can increase our awareness of what is happening to us as we experience change. Dr. Martha Beck uses the metaphor of the caterpillar transforming into a butterfly to explain the change cycle. It consists of four phases: meltdown, re-formation, emerging, and full flight.

Just as I experienced when that fateful email arrived, a cataclysmic event had just sent me straight into the meltdown of phase one.  The meltdown is scary.  It is painful. Just as a caterpillar completely dissolves when it wraps itself in a cocoon, when we enter the first phase of the change cycle everything is dissolving. It is the death of the old self and of old ideas. Fighting our feelings, trying to get back the previous life, or attempting to move immediately into a new status quo are just some of the ways in which we try to avoid the pain and fear inherent in phase one.

I knew what was happening. I was in phase one and grieving the loss of my beautiful dream. I allowed myself to feel sad. The work I had already put into making my dream a reality suddenly seemed like it was wasted time. I spent time with my family and watched a couple of episodes of my favorite TV show. I didn’t try to immediately figure out how to fix it, I just let myself be until I felt ready to take a step forward.

Now I am happy to share that I am back on track discovering and planning amazing experiences that will help people reconnect with their inner-wolf and nature. I am exploring a partnership with a new guide in Yellowstone Park who is experienced in eco-tourism and is well connected with wolf biologists in the area. I also had the opportunity to visit a wolf sanctuary in the Sangre de Cristo Mountains in southern Colorado, called Mission Wolf, and met several wolves. They looked me in the eyes and licked my face. It was an amazing experience, one that I am hoping to facilitate for others in the future. I will share more pictures as I have them but for now, meet Zeab, pictured above. Zeab is a 16-year-old wolf. He was the wolf that starred in the Twilight movies. He is feeling his age and arthritis in his hips, but that didn’t stop him from coming to see us visitors to his space. Zeab loves people and came to personally meet each one of us with face licks. What an amazing experience I had that would not have happened without change. (Check out this link to see Zeab live.)

When you find yourself entering phase one of the change cycle, try the following strategies:

• Be present in the current moment rather than focusing on the hopes and fears of the unknowable future. This could be as simple as stepping outside to feel the sun on your skin, going for a walk, listen to birdsong, or smell a flower and recognize that in the present moment, everything is fine.

• Care for yourself. Watch a favorite show, read a book, wrap up in a blanket, or drink a cup of tea. Do whatever feels most comforting to you.

• Talk to someone who has experienced similar changes. It could be a friend or family member. A coach or therapist can also be a good option here.

• Let yourself grieve. Don’t try to avoid the emotions that come. Feeling your feelings will help you to move past them more quickly.

*Mission Wolf is currently preparing to evacuate all animals and people in the face of a growing wildfire in the area. They are accepting donations to help support their evacuation efforts. Please consider donating to help Kent Weber, the director, and his staff to care for and protect these beautiful animals.